Thank you for saying thank you..

Like most people, I have been reprimanded for many things in my life- not doing my homework, accidently leaving the iron on, not putting the lid back on toothpaste ;I wont lie, there’s plenty more. Now I will admit (not out loud of course) that most of these rebukes were warranted, for who fancies their house burnt down or chalky dried-up toothpaste up against their gums. Recently though, I was chided for something that left me puzzled and made me question the very teachings of my fourth grade English teacher, Mrs. Morrison, aka the queen of propah! I was told off not once, not twice but three times by different people for saying thankyou! If that doesn’t question the very workings of the universe, I’m not sure what does!

The first incident involved a flat mate of mine offering free tuition for my daughter. She was generous with her time and teaching, which naturally compelled me to express my deep seated and genuine gratitude (for who doesn’t like a good freebie?)  So I thanked and I hugged, I might have even cried a little. My friend though was far from impressed. ‘I don’t need or want your thank yous’ she said frowning. ‘Stop.’

Not long after, a neighbour helped out when I had an unexpected hospital stay. ‘Thank you, thank you ‘ I said, touched that she had shown me kindness and made the experience less traumatic. She spun around and said ‘You say thank you far too much. Don’t’.

Fast forward a couple of weeks later, and there I was yet again being at the receiving end of kindness. One of my friends saw my little boy off to school as I had to leave for an unplanned appointment. Her timely assistance saved the day and I couldn’t thank her enough. ‘You’re far too formal’, she said. ‘Enough with the thank yous’.

Something was wrong here. Three people mirroring similar sentiments was enough to shed some serious self- doubt. Did my thank yous seem hollow and not genuine enough? Was I really being too formal and austere by actually expressing my gratitude out loud? Were thank yous out of vogue?

I related my happenings to a friend, who I considered sensible (on most days, and when it wasn’t a full moon). ‘Why was my appreciation so poorly received?’ I questioned.

She ruminated on her gum for a while before answering.  ‘An excessive display of gratefulness might make some people uncomfortable. Maybe for some the very act of helping is so fulfilling that they find thank yous pointless.' 'That's just plain weird, you big-hearted freaks.' I thought.

‘Or maybe it’s your ‘thank you face. You know, the one where you look puppy -dog eyed, but also look like you need the toilet. It certainly makes me uncomfortable.’

That discussion led me to then to carry out further discussions with other (self proclaimed) experts, i.e best friend, husband, and the ten year old. ‘Thank yous are not always necessary’, one chirped. ‘Between family members, it’s a little pretentious.’  ‘Thank yous? Bah! Overrated’ another claimed. ‘ It’s inferred isn't it?’ Expert number three had a different view. ‘Accepting gratitude needs grace. Some people are just embarrassed by it.’

I then proceeded to process my research and quickly conclude my study, because 6 hours spent discussing thank yous suddenly felt like 358 minutes too many, thank you very much.

Expressing gratitude is not an option. It’s a must. If someone takes the time and effort to do something for you, whether it’s making you a nice cup of chai or taking your gall stones out, thank them; each time, every time. Don’t wait, do it. Look them straight in the eye (not chest) and say a genuine thank you. Once ,maybe twice at the most, because a fifty thank yous said at once (self!-take note) can get a bit old. Then look away, because you don’t want to be labelled a creep.

Learn to accept thank yous graciously too. You deserve it; don’t be modest about receiving it.  And most importantly, practice your thank you face. Else you’ll be shown the rest room more often than you need it.

Thank you.